Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
