Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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