remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
