the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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