My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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