i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
