Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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