YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think my vagina is haunted
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
