dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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