So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
How external is "for external use only"?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
