Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
