Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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