Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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