In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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