Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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