dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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