he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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