Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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