Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
