found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
