I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
