shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
