I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
