Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
