What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
