We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
