hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
