Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
