Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
