He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
