i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
