I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
