I can text with my tongue
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
