tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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