well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
