Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
