im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
