stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
