YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
