i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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