Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
