and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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