Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
being pregnant is like rehab
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
