I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
