just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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