Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
