Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
