He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
