How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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