If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
When are your genitals available?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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