she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
