I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
not ubering you a puppy
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
